Lying with integrity

Lying, right or wrong? Difficult one really. Ideally i would like to conclude that all lying is wrong and one should never do it, however since i have told lies that seems a hypocritical stance. So, i would say that if one can avoid it then it is always better not to lie, however i accept that there are circumstances when one may have to lie, for survival perhaps.

So how do we determine what to do? I think personally circumstances count and i also believe that as humans we are more likely to accept or forgive some lies over others. For example, there are probably very few people who can say they have never lied, it is generally accepted that from time to time we all lie, what i believe makes the difference is the length and depth of the lie and also the motive. As empathic souls, we are likely to forgive someone who lied as a knee jerk reaction or through stupidity, naievety etc but then immediately felt bad for what they had done and owned up, apologising. We would, i believe, weigh up the circumstances, accept the person's mistake and forgive them, probably still believing them to be a basically honest person that made an error of judgement. I would be less likely to forgive someone who continued the deciept or lied further to conceal their mistake. I would also be more likely to forgive someone who had lied to protect someone rather than for selfish reasons.

Immanual Kant http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lying prohibited lying as he believed it to lead to a breakdown in trust and therefore felt it was never acceptable to lie. I disagree that it can't ever be acceptable to lie- i believe it is evolutionary and therefore necessary to our survival; whether physically, as in the lies told by soldiers during wars, or emotionally as in the use of denial, projection and rationalisation as defence mechanisms that serve to conceal the truth, from others but also from ourselves. Agreeably, the use of defences aren't good long term but are sometimes a short term necessity to help us come to terms with traumatic experiences in our own time.

I do however, agree that lying breaks down trust and that if we all consistently lied then society would break down. We would not be able to form relationships because we wouldn't be able to believe or trust people around us. The judicial system would collapse because we would not be able to trust that people were telling the truth when on oath.

As Wallace http://www.spectacle.org/0500/lies.html puts it "I hate being lied to. Short of violence, it is the worst thing you can do to me. Not because of God, or the Ten Commandments, or any universal moral precepts. The reason that I hate lies is because, like you, I wish to navigate carefully through life, and to do so I must be able to calculate my true position. When you lie to me, you know your position but you have given me false data which obscures mine". I think this is a poignant way of looking at it. When you lie you effectively knock someone off course.

I have lied in the past and i can't put my hand on my heart and say i'll never lie again because i don't know what circumstances are around the corner. I have modified my behaviour over the years because i have regretfully hurt others with my actions and learnt some painful and valuable life lessons! On that note i would agree with Kevin...if you're going to lie, think very, very carefully about it. A good maxim may be "Do that which will do the least harm and the greatest good".