The final film from this week's lecture was about stalking. Stalking is defined as "the willful, malicious and repeated following and harassing of another person" (Meloy, 1998).
Well, i can speak from experience on this one guys as i actually experienced a stalker about six years ago. It was an extremely scary and stressful experience; one of the few times in my entire life that i didn't feel safe in my own home. According to the websites stalkers are most often male, have possibly had a relationship at some point with the victim, even if it was only one date, may suffer from a personality disorder or other mental health problem and in some instances can be dangerous; even fatal.
In my case i didn't know the person, never saw him in fact. Nevertheless he had me gripped with fear. It started on a sunny day in June when i casually answered the phone "Hello, is that Sharon?" The well spoken voice asked. "No", I replied, finishing the conversation and thinking nothing of it. A few minutes later he rang back, apologising again for disturbing me. He was chatty, even breezy, somewhat amusing i thought. He explained that Sharon was his colleague and he was a policeman. That opened up a conversation as a cousin of mine was in the force. I was to find out later that phone stalkers often pretend to have jobs in positions of trust as it puts victims at ease.
So, this carried on for several months and i even began to look forward to the calls. But then as time went on and he had gleaned bits of info from me, i started to feel uneasy. He would drop things in to the conversation that made the hair stand up on the back of my neck, for example talking about wanting a new car and then describing mine in detail, even the same colour. Then he would pretend to imagine what friends or relatives of mine looked like...with chilling accuracy. One day after my parents visited, he rang. The conversation got on to cars and he said he had always wanted a maroon coloured Saab. I laughed it off but when i put the phone down i felt scared; my dad had a maroon Saab! I went upstairs and looked up the street, i felt uneasy, like i was being watched.
I spoke to my sister who suggested i phoned the police station he was supposedly based at to see if his story checked out. They had never heard of him and even checked other stations, nothing. I felt an idiot but more than anything i felt scared. My mind now raced through all our coversations; what other info had i given out? How had he found where i lived? Did he know where the children went to school? By this time i was in a blind panic. When i thought he was a policeman it seemed safe and harmless fun, now it felt sinister and dangerous.
I spoke to the police but they said there was nothing they could do as he hadn't committed a crime and i had talked with him willingly. Yes but that was when i thought he was a friendly policeman, not a raving loony.
Later on my fear turned to anger and when he phoned i confronted him and told him to leave me alone. On reflection that was possibly a bad move. For several months i had phone calls in the middle of the night, sometimes just breathing, other times taunts about him being able to see me. I had flowers delivered, meals delivered and so on. I'm guessing he was not good with rejection...ha, i can laugh now!!
Finally, there was a real policeman sitting in my house taking all the details.
I was lucky, following a phone trace the police were able to track him down and issue him with a warning. Thankfully i was never bothered again but many others aren't so lucky.
Looking back it seems a silly thing...i had recently divorced and was possibly liking the initial attention, but i was way too naive and trusting. For a good year afterwards i suffered from anxiety, depression and panic attacks. God knows how people cope when it goes on for years and the stalker gets in to their home etc.
Anyway, to answer the questions: What kind of stalking or observing is acceptable? Well, unless you are a detective or similar and you have good reason to follow someone then i don't think it is acceptable to spy, follow or observe anyone else. I feel it would be an invasion of their privacy and freedom.
Voyeurism: In a sense this is spying or observing someone and i think this is ok if all parties consent to being involved. If someone wants to undress etc. in the knowledge that people are paying to view them ect. that's fine. It's not fine to spy on the neighbour undressing at night, that's just pervy. I expect the voyeur gets more of a kick from the latter because it is more risky and naughty. I guess you could also argue that if someone undresses at night without shutting the curtains they may secretly be getting off on the idea that someone is viewing them; in that sense maybe there is an unspoken communication going on there and both parties are satisfying a need; to view and to be viewed. Still not sure if that's right though. What do you think??
For ideas, take a look at the relevant links.
Well, i can speak from experience on this one guys as i actually experienced a stalker about six years ago. It was an extremely scary and stressful experience; one of the few times in my entire life that i didn't feel safe in my own home. According to the websites stalkers are most often male, have possibly had a relationship at some point with the victim, even if it was only one date, may suffer from a personality disorder or other mental health problem and in some instances can be dangerous; even fatal.
In my case i didn't know the person, never saw him in fact. Nevertheless he had me gripped with fear. It started on a sunny day in June when i casually answered the phone "Hello, is that Sharon?" The well spoken voice asked. "No", I replied, finishing the conversation and thinking nothing of it. A few minutes later he rang back, apologising again for disturbing me. He was chatty, even breezy, somewhat amusing i thought. He explained that Sharon was his colleague and he was a policeman. That opened up a conversation as a cousin of mine was in the force. I was to find out later that phone stalkers often pretend to have jobs in positions of trust as it puts victims at ease.
So, this carried on for several months and i even began to look forward to the calls. But then as time went on and he had gleaned bits of info from me, i started to feel uneasy. He would drop things in to the conversation that made the hair stand up on the back of my neck, for example talking about wanting a new car and then describing mine in detail, even the same colour. Then he would pretend to imagine what friends or relatives of mine looked like...with chilling accuracy. One day after my parents visited, he rang. The conversation got on to cars and he said he had always wanted a maroon coloured Saab. I laughed it off but when i put the phone down i felt scared; my dad had a maroon Saab! I went upstairs and looked up the street, i felt uneasy, like i was being watched.
I spoke to my sister who suggested i phoned the police station he was supposedly based at to see if his story checked out. They had never heard of him and even checked other stations, nothing. I felt an idiot but more than anything i felt scared. My mind now raced through all our coversations; what other info had i given out? How had he found where i lived? Did he know where the children went to school? By this time i was in a blind panic. When i thought he was a policeman it seemed safe and harmless fun, now it felt sinister and dangerous.
I spoke to the police but they said there was nothing they could do as he hadn't committed a crime and i had talked with him willingly. Yes but that was when i thought he was a friendly policeman, not a raving loony.
Later on my fear turned to anger and when he phoned i confronted him and told him to leave me alone. On reflection that was possibly a bad move. For several months i had phone calls in the middle of the night, sometimes just breathing, other times taunts about him being able to see me. I had flowers delivered, meals delivered and so on. I'm guessing he was not good with rejection...ha, i can laugh now!!
Finally, there was a real policeman sitting in my house taking all the details.
I was lucky, following a phone trace the police were able to track him down and issue him with a warning. Thankfully i was never bothered again but many others aren't so lucky.
Looking back it seems a silly thing...i had recently divorced and was possibly liking the initial attention, but i was way too naive and trusting. For a good year afterwards i suffered from anxiety, depression and panic attacks. God knows how people cope when it goes on for years and the stalker gets in to their home etc.
Anyway, to answer the questions: What kind of stalking or observing is acceptable? Well, unless you are a detective or similar and you have good reason to follow someone then i don't think it is acceptable to spy, follow or observe anyone else. I feel it would be an invasion of their privacy and freedom.
Voyeurism: In a sense this is spying or observing someone and i think this is ok if all parties consent to being involved. If someone wants to undress etc. in the knowledge that people are paying to view them ect. that's fine. It's not fine to spy on the neighbour undressing at night, that's just pervy. I expect the voyeur gets more of a kick from the latter because it is more risky and naughty. I guess you could also argue that if someone undresses at night without shutting the curtains they may secretly be getting off on the idea that someone is viewing them; in that sense maybe there is an unspoken communication going on there and both parties are satisfying a need; to view and to be viewed. Still not sure if that's right though. What do you think??
For ideas, take a look at the relevant links.
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